Confidence Under Fire

Beach“A poet should be so crafty with words that he is envied even for his pains.” – Criss Jami

When I hold my Confident Women workshops we discuss changing negative self-talk, transforming  negative personal messages and becoming confident in all of who we are, the good and the bad. As we become comfortable with more of who we are, we become less judgmental or critical of ourselves. We can begin to be confident with all parts of ourselves, not just the parts we deem “acceptable”.

In addition to encouraging women to be more confident in all aspects of who they are I add this disclaimer, “Although you are now confident, this does not mean life will get easier.” Confidence is certainly easier to muster in situations that are not conflicted, confrontational or stressed. However, it certainly is tried when we come across taxing circumstances.

What is there to be confident about in difficult circumstances? That although our circumstances have become difficult, there is nothing actually different about who we are. Just because Jessica recently lost her job does not mean that she is no longer smart, beautiful, compassionate or supportive. Her circumstances have not changed who she is.

Will she struggle? Yes. Will it be difficult? Probably.

She still has a choice.  She can choose to struggle by becoming a victim of her experience (“My boss is such a sad excuse of a human being!”), which paralyzes her from taking any action, until the circumstance is remedied.  Or, with confidence, she has the wherewithal to know that her circumstances are temporary and that she will do all that she can to continue in the direction she was intended for. She might even consider that this happened for a reason, that it was time to step in a new direction but she didn’t know how to take that next step. Either way she WILL struggle.

Circumstances can be difficult to overcome. Given the circumstances that we find ourselves in it is important to remain true to who we are and who we are intended to be, courageously. We must keep an eye out and follow the path that is right for who we are even if it is not the popular path to take.

Remember, you are the one who must be satisfied with decisions you make when you go to sleep at night. No one else. You must be the one to endure your life on a day-to-day basis. No one else. Your decisions and indecisions have brought you where you are today.  Where would you like to be tomorrow?

Be confident in the fact that no matter what happens you are capable of handling what comes your way. It is at that point that the true crafting of your life, your heart and your character is created. If you must suffer, why not make it worth your while? Why not have something to show for it when the suffering ends? We were not intended to endure. We were intended to live.

-Written by Ashlee Secord, LMFT


Thrive Therapy is a marriage and family therapy practice in the south metropolitan area of Minneapolis and St. Paul. If you would like to discuss therapy, your individual circumstances and how to remain confident in them contact Thrive by phone or email today.