Decisions, decisions


By Ashlee Secord, LMFT

I think it is safe to say that none of us think too highly of ourselves. For the most part we wait until we have achieved a goal, completed a task or are complimented. THEN, then we might begin to believe there is something more to who we are.  Albeit, momentarily.

Why is it so hard to believe?  What is so difficult about knowing that you were intended for something amazing, creative and life changing?  Why is it even more difficult to know that this is true about us?  Each of us?

Simply?  I have so much evidence that proves otherwise.  I assume that for each incredible thing about me, I have 100 others that are despicable. I mean, legitimately despicable.  The bad outnumbers the good, therefore I am not good.  And if I am not good, how could I possibly make a difference? Be remarkable? Live without fear?

So long as I have the belief that I must be “perfect” in order to be “good” how will I ever achieve it?  The illusion is that perfection exists. That perfection is good. And I think that if I achieve it then I will be worthy, have worth, and be trustworthy. Not before then.  Do you see how I have set myself up for failure? I am spending, no, I am WASTING so much time attempting to be something, someone I am not instead of appreciating who I am, where I have come from and the choices I have made. Those choices have brought me to where I am now, which is the only thing I have: this moment.

I will never have this moment again and I can spend that time regretting, striving, pressing, controlling, hating every square inch of who I am but it will never take me where I want to go. Oh, but it will take me somewhere and it isn’t pretty.

On the other hand, I can start making new decisions. Decisions to see myself for all that I am: the good and the bad. Then realize that regardless of my errors, mistakes and flaws I am acceptable, loveable, competent and, most of all, human.  I am the only one responsible for how my life unfolds and how I feel about it.  It is my decisions (or lack thereof) that brought me precisely to this point. Lucky for us, this isn’t the end. There are so many points ahead.

So, where do you want to go from here?


Ashlee Secord is a Marriage and Family Therapist in Burnsville, MN.  Contact her for more information regarding taking steps toward change in your personal life as well as in your closest relationships.