Freedom from fear


Police car

99% of us live in fear.

Okay, I just made that number up, but think about it.  Think about what motivates us or propels us into action or inaction.  Do you get up and go to work because you love what you do or because if you don’t you won’t get paid.  And we all know what happens when we don’t get paid. Do you slow your car below the speed limit when you spot a cop car? Do you tell your friend that her dress doesn’t look like it fits anymore or just let her wear it out? Do you tell your husband that you just dropped $500 at the casino? That you hid a bottle of booze in the bathroom cabinet? That you ate an entire container of ice cream?

Here are some other words for fear that you might be more familiar with: anxiety, worry, shame, and guilt. Do you experience any of these feelings during your week? Daily? We tend to organize our entire lives around trying to manage these feelings, appropriately or not. Instead of challenging the lie, we medicate it. At least then it doesn’t feel so true.

Fear is so prevalent in so many lives, but what are we SO afraid of?

In short?  Everything.

Influenza, gas prices, getting old, getting fat, what’s for dinner, the mortgage, babies, baby proofing, eating healthy, working enough, playing enough, cleaning, laundry, dishes, teenage drivers, drunk drivers, drunk teenage drivers!

And that is a SHORT list.

Although these are legitimate external concerns are they the actual root of our fears? Of our anxiety, worry, shame and guilt?  Or does something deeper lie beneath the surface?  In my first blog about transforming your inner voice, I brought up negative personal messages.  I believe that THIS is what we fear most of all: that these messages are true.

“I am not enough.”

“I am unlovable.”

“I am alone.”

“I am not wanted.”

“I am a failure.”

“I’ll never measure up.”

It is these messages that coat us in fear. So long as we believe these messages are true we cannot experience reprieve from fear.  These lies prevent us from experiencing that “peace” and “calm” we hear so much about. Until we reveal the negative messages for what they are: lies, we continue to make decisions and choices based out of fear. And Let me let you in on a little secret: they’re all lies.  Every single one of them.  Trust me.


Written by Ashlee Secord, LMFT. If you would like help uncovering  your negative messages and discover the truth about who you are contact a therapist from Thrive Therapy for your free phone consultation and set up an appointment at their Burnsville, MN office.