Indecision is a Decision


If you have been following this blog you have probably noticed that I write about fear a lot. A LOT. It is on purpose. So many, perhaps all of our thoughts, feelings and actions (or inaction) are fueled by fear.

What will my parents think?

What if that makes me look bad? Stupid? Selfish?

What if they disagree?

What if I am wrong?

What if I fail?

Is this the right decision?

We spend so much time trying to make the “perfect” decision that we can end up not making a decision at all.  As I have mentioned before, indecision is a decision.  Have you ever thought to yourself “How did I end up here?” or blamed your circumstances on someone else or the choices they made? Welcome to the world of indecision.

Maybe you thought a circumstance wasn’t worth fighting for even though you had some strong feelings about the situation. Your daughter’s newest boyfriend selection. Your wife’s increased shopping sprees. Your son’s reckless driving that totaled out the second car. You notice something is amiss but you’re not quite sure what to do. And why say anything at all?  It’s just going to end up in a fight and you won’t get your way in the long run, so why bother? Only to reinforce your feelings that your words don’t mean anything. You aren’t important. Look at how easily your opinion and beliefs are railroaded by your insecurities. Also notice at how the choice to say and do nothing was motivated by fear.

Sometimes we make decisions we think are right for someone else but it wasn’t what we felt we “should’ve” done. They seemed to know what they wanted and we want to make sure they are happy, but somehow you are still not happy.  What looks like compromise and sacrifice could be considered indifferent.  Either way, if a consequence were to fall it would not fall on you because it hadn’t been your decision. False. Ambivalence has a whirlwind of consequence. But usually we don’t notice until a decade or so has passed by and we suddenly awaken like from a bad dream wondering how we ended up in the deep end barely keeping our head above water.

It is time we woke up. Wake up from our passivity, our indifference, our apathy and indecision and acknowledge that our choices have an impact. That we can direct the impact our choices have with even the smallest efforts! Consider how much energy we put into avoiding pain, anticipating the worse case scenario when we could be putting that same energy into achieving the very dreams that are written in and on our hearts.  Stop waiting for someone else to do the very thing that you were created for.  You are needed.

Regardless of where you are, you still have more life in front of you right now. The ONLY thing you have at any given moment is just that, this moment. And even that has now passed. We are only given so much time on this planet. We spend so much of that time hating every square inch of ourselves, dreading and enduring the lives we have created, struggling, wrestling and living in fear.

We are not intended to live in fear. Fear is the opposite of freedom. When we live in fear we are unable to be present, to see what it right in front of us.  We are so focused on what we do not have, what could go wrong and how unhappy that makes us. When we focus on the worse case scenario we go into hiding, we medicate, we hunker down and hope that the storm doesn’t hit us, at the very least, it doesn’t hit while we’re sober. I have good news,

You are free.

We are intended to feel equipped and capable to step into the lives we were intended for, the lives we choose.  It just happens to be really scary. Which should be okay because we already are living in fear anyways! Although we may find ourselves in unbearable circumstances we must decide to not live out of our fears. We have to choose freedom. Stand firm in who you are. At the very least, be yourself without compromising who you are at your core. You matter, your life’s work matters, your decisions, big and small matter. Please choose wisely.

Freedom is a life where the heart can be wide open. Vulnerable to both joy and pain but knowing that it is capable of handling both. Freedom is living in truth and honesty even if that means I will look like an awful person as a result. Freedom is not the fear of consequence, but the understanding that no matter what, there will be one. So I better make my choices count from here on out.


Written by Ashlee Secord, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Thrive Therapy in the south metro area of Minneapolis and St. Paul. Contact her today to determine how you can begin generating decisions that move you toward your goals, dreams and passions and away from worry, anxiety and depression.