By Dante Bender
Being a young adult is typically viewed as a fun and exciting part of life, as well as a time to discover yourself, find out which career path you want, and explore what the world has to offer. During this chapter of life there are many transitions, such as graduating high school or college, searching for a career, building new relationships, and becoming more independent. And while this time in life can be an exciting experience, it also comes with its challenges.
As a part of this age group myself, I have noticed that many of my peers feel pressure to be immediately successful in the careers they are just starting, or believe that they need to buy a home and start a family by their mid-twenties, while simultaneously still figuring out how to set up a savings account. And whether these pressures come from loved ones, what we see on social media, or internal beliefs of needing to be successful, it can have significant impacts on our mental health. You might notice symptoms of anxiety and depression such as sleep trouble, high levels of stress, and difficulty focusing on tasks. These symptoms might lead us to experiencing panic attacks, fearful of making wrong decisions, isolating ourselves from friends and loved ones, or using substances to manage our stress.
The ups and downs that are experienced during this time in a young adult’s life is often described as a quarter-life crisis. A quarter-life crisis is a period of uncertainty, anxiety, and questioning that typically occurs in young adults. It is often triggered by the transition from adolescence to adulthood, and the accompanying difficulties and pressures. Common aspects of a quarter-life crisis include career uncertainty, financial stress, relationship difficulties, struggles to find a self-identity and purpose, comparing ourselves to others, as well as any other societal or personal stressors that might be impacting individuals during this time.
But, it is important to remember that we are each on our own path and that success and prosperity means something different at every stage of life.
And although it may seem like we need to have life figured out as soon as possible because those around us appear to have it all figured out, the truth is that no one has it all figured out and we’re all just figuring it out as we go. Try to remember that everyone is going through life for the first time, and no one knows exactly how things are going to turn out. We’re all making the best decisions we can with the information we have available to us right now.
As young adults, we might think that we’re “behind” as we approach our mid-twenties. As I mentioned before, we might think we’re supposed to live on our own, get married or start a family. But really, these things are happening far less than we think for the average young adult. For example, less that 50% of adults aged 18-34 are fully financially independent from their parents, and 57% of adults aged 18-24 still live with their parents. To some, it may seem that in order to be successful you need to be fully independent by your early 20’s and not rely on anyone, but that just isn’t the case (Minkin et al., 2024).
It’s rare that I hear of anyone who views their lack of financial independence in a positive light. However, living with your parents and relying on them financially certainly has benefits and is more likely to contribute to independence in the long term.
For example, living with parents gives young people a chance to save and invest money for their future, pay off debts while not paying rent, and save money for purchasing their own home. In fact, 64% of adults who still live with their parents say that it has had a positive impact on their financial wellbeing, and 55% say that living with their parents had a positive impact on their relationship with their parents (Minkin et al., 2024).
When it comes to marriage and starting families, we can be frequently asked when we’re going to get married or when we’re going to have kids, which can make us feel like we need to accomplish that in our twenties in order to be successful. But, those older adults are a bit out of touch with the present times. For example, for adults aged 25-29, only 29% were married in 2023, compared to 50% in 1993. And although that might not make sense to some older generations, waiting to get married allows people to truly build into a relationship and discover a sense of self. It also allows couples to save money for their future before getting married (Minkin et al., 2024).
As for having children, 27% of adults aged 30-34 were raising a child compared to 60% in 1993. Waiting to have kids allows couples to save money and be more prepared when they feel ready to have children, and also allows couples to develop their relationship before starting their family (Minkin et al., 2024).
When discussing young adulthood and comparing ourselves to others, It’s hard to not mention social media. Social media plays a big role in making young adults feel unsuccessful or “behind” in life. Social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok often present idealized images of beauty and success, which can lead to negative body image and increased comparison among young adults.
A study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that time spent on social media was positively correlated with body dissatisfaction among adolescents and young adults (Kranzler & Bleakley, 2019). The constant exposure to filtered and curated images can result in feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Other studies have found that passive use of social media (e.g., scrolling through feeds) was linked to declines in self-esteem. Social media use has been associated with various mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and loneliness. The need for validation through likes and comments can exacerbate these feelings (Chen et al., 2016). Research has also indicated that high levels of social media use were associated with an increased risk of depression among young adults (Primack et al., 2009). I don’t think anyone is surprised to learn that excessive time spent on social media has a negative impact on our mental health.
Alternatively, despite the negative impacts, social media can also have positive effects on self-image by providing platforms for self-expression, community building, and support networks. A report by the Pew Research Center highlighted that social media can help young adults find supportive communities and express themselves more freely (Minkin et al., 2024).
So, you might be asking yourself, “What can I do to make this period of my life more enjoyable and less challenging?” Here are a few suggestions I offer to my clients:
- Develop new coping strategies for stress and other emotional distress, like reaching out to a friend, meditating or journaling.
- Work towards setting realistic, measurable goals for yourself that make sense for your life right now.
- Seek out new social connections and build new relationships.
- Explore effective and relaxing self-care strategies.
- Adopt healthier social media usage such as limiting screen time, unfollowing negative accounts, or setting aside dedicated time away from devices.
- Additionally, you can sign up for my upcoming workshop “Navigating a Quarter-Life Crisis” that I am hosting in August 2024, where I’ll be covering this information and more.
- Lastly, if you find that you’re really struggling with symptoms of anxiety or depression, consider reaching out to a therapist who can assist you in reducing these symptoms or help you manage them differently.
As someone who is going through the same feelings as many other young adults, I want to provide others with information and resources that can help during this period of life. Remember that navigating young adulthood is both exciting and challenging at the same time, filled with self-discovery, exploration, and new relationships.
While societal pressures and social media can create unrealistic expectations, it’s important to remember that everyone’s path is unique. Embrace the journey, take your time, and remind yourself that it’s okay not to have it all figured out. Success is subjective, and it’s about finding your own way at your own pace.
“You have no idea what you’re doing, and that makes you invincible” – The Bear
For more information on my quarter-life crisis workshop, follow the link here.
References
Minkin, R., Aragão, C., Parker, K., & Menasce Horowitz, J., (2024). Parents, Young Adult Children and the Transition to Adulthood. Pew Research Center’s Social & Demographic Trends Project.
Kranzler, E. & Bleakley, A. (2019). Youth Social Media Use and Health Outcomes: #diggingdeeper. Journal of Adolescent Health, 64(2), 141-142.
Chen, W., Fan, C. Y., Liu, Q. X., Zhou, Z. K., & Xie, X. C. (2016). Passive social network site use and subjective well-being: A moderated mediation model. Computers in Human Behavior, 64, 507-514.
Primack, B., Swanier, B., Georgiopoulos, A., Land, S., Fine, M. (2009). Association Between Media Use in Adolescence and Depression in Young Adulthood: A Longitudinal Study. Arch Gen Psychiatry, 66(2), 181–188.
Dante Bender is a Graduate Intern Counselor pursuing his Masters of Science in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the University of Wisconsin-Superior. Dante is passionate about providing support and guidance to individuals on their journey towards mental and emotional well-being. Committed to empowering clients to navigate life’s challenges, Dante’s therapy approach is grounded in empathy, active listening, and a person-centered focus. He creates a welcoming, safe, and non-judgmental space where clients can explore their thoughts, feelings, and experiences, integrating various therapy techniques to meet each individual’s unique needs. His specific areas of concentration include anxiety, depression, adolescent to adulthood transitions, and identity/self-esteem issues.
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